how do i know that it's you

 how do i know that it was always going to be you 

do i know it bc you walk through the door 

and i know i can't breathe 

or 

do i know it bc you tilt your head so 

it's not gorgeous that it's like so 

and that i'll always pine 

but never sign 

always to make you mine 

friday - saturday

we did it all 

we sipped hot, spiced cider 

beneath a rainy dark sky 

- we watched our breaths in the air 

and admired a panting Newfoundland

then we knew it was time 

to go home 

and curl around our edges

and search for the nebulous curvatures 

of ourselves and others 

i'm always sad to walk away from you 

and i always get butterflies when i watch you walk toward me  

10.14 dinner partay

you made us 

the stuff of being a kid 

& having dreams

hoping & who wants to be a millionaire 

while we craft and chip and pick

buttered wonderbread 

and kraft singles 

tomato bisque 

with chunks of raw garlic

a greek salad without a place 

castelervero olives

red wine vinegar 

you gave us your sunsets

lip locking lust luck lol 

sometimes i think about what that moment would be like 

would it be a dare

or a confident yes 

will it be while you're drunk 

or when we're choking each other 

will i know you without ever knowing your lips 

even though i've been pining after them all this time

is any of this even worth it if i can't have you

where i have you but i don't

where i have everything else 

the things that ppl say matter most 

how would you feel 

if i told you

i am false 

what i say 

who i am 

it's all talk 

tongue teething 

song seething 

this is where we say goodbye