im tired of wanting you 

all of my moments are yours

during the in betweens 

& the big things 

i feel you 

own me

i don't want anyone else 

it's stopped 

wanting others 

i used to pine 

and bleed 

for anyone else 

until july 

it only took one look 

at your calves 

to know 

i'd do anything 

become anything 

just to hold your attention 

i didn't don't even need your gaze 

i fantasize about the things

i've wanted since i was a little girl 

and you're that person in it 

i give you all my moments 

my weekends 

my evenings 

every spare 

and i get antsy 

because i think about the future 

every waking second 

i wonder 

i plan 

i write you in 

because you know 

i'd follow you anywhere 

even if it means 

i don't have all of you 

but always will i 

wonder what your neck 

would taste like 

wonder what your mouth 

would feel like 

i always think about it

you know

while we lay next to each other 

what would happen 

if I breathed you in

if you held me back 

kissed my neck 

give into to what I wanted 

i'm sorry i freaked out 

when you started talking 

about proposing 

i'm scared though 

losing you 

and i'll always long to want you 

you know that right 

i'm not sure 

but it feels like this weird 

writing in the stars 

we have the mundane 

and that's all i ever wanted 

someone

 to go to target with 

 to decide what to eat 

 to fold laundry next 

 to show you shows i've already seen 

i think that's it 

yanno 

i think i found it 

i know we're coming to a close

your beacon hill apt 

and your twink 

are a stones throw away

feathers 

fucking situations 

circumstances

miscommunications

i want to push away 

and i want to want to push 

but we both know i can't

i come crawling back 

every 

goddamn

time 

i guess i was always right 

yanno 

about not being wanted 

a 14 yo SATC watching Sarah  

watching me 

turn 28 

and still not spend a night

next to a someone 

who would watch me 

and want 

now he's gone 

a whisper to the wind

just like a girl

it's not like i wanted 

him 

just on my couch 

a body to perch next to 

i just wonder what 

i said 

that got him 

to do it 

was it my question asking 

my mouth 

the way i said

"you'll find someone" 

was it my belly 

or my burden  

or maybe making

him buy my drink 

confidently 

an act i didn't have down

i'm starting to think 

it was all of it 

wasn't it? 

not just the parts 

my indecisiveness 

my talking off the cuff 

my oh my oh my 

the things 

and the betweens

the middle

and the ends 

it was all there 

but i still picture 

you in my apt 

even now

that we don't talk 

it's only been 4 days 

but it might as well be 4 years 

i know it 

yanno 

that's the thing 

i know it