a bit of a drunk post

commemorating my happenings, things i haven't said. Unadmittances. 

1. i love my best friend who is a gay man. I think that love might be love love. But does all love have to be shared? where is the line between friendship and love. can't you lust after your friends? can't you imagine them naked and want to tear at their edges and centers just the same? Does all love have to be territorial? Can't I just imagine that we fuck and when I stare into his eyes I know he's mine regardless of whether or not we do. he's home. i checked his location. I call him mine. i think his heart aches for mine. and i think i'm completely fine with it like that. actually completely and utterly happy perhaps

2. there's a really sweet lesbian couple sitting cady corner to me right now. i feel a little turned on just thinking about them. but i've been outside all day. currently with a mango passion fruit something. i want to want to be them. i imagine loving a woman would be unadultered. forgiving. thoughtful. unsubtle in the best, yet subtle in the most

3. i think i love ann arbor. i think i love my life here. i think i've found parts of myself. and i've learned how to eat and pretend and find peace, yet lean on people in ways i always knew i needed. i've learned to feel aligned with needing and wanting people and never feeling bad about that. I've twiddled my thumbs and learned to cum.