mama mere

i saw you put the floss

i said i needed in my medicine cabinet

you spoiled me — bought me the expensive tooth picks 

the ones that are bad for the earth 

but good for my smile 

you always told me to take care of my grin 

—you can't buy a new one you always say

i often think about 

walking into the forest 

and never looking back

wanting loneliness

more than i need you 

i know you think

i am because of you 

but would you think that 

if you knew it hurt me more?

would you care?

in my room i always find new clothes 

that you think would flatter me 

—shoes that would 

make your dreams come true 

you always remark 

what a gorgeous day 

when the sun pops out 

even through a layer of cirrocumulus 

i wish you gave that to me 

instead, 

we both sit in silence 

piecing together 

the world without sound 

questing whether are responses 

made sense 

or if our facial movements are apropos

sometimes i resent you 

for your loss 

then i cry 

scratch at my scabs 

and scream out to the tones

who have you and me 

when i ask if i'm pretty 

it's always a resounding yes 

i know you believe it 

but you don't see clearly 

i know you're sad that i'm sad

you wish it didn't hurt

but i notice 

and perhaps you ignore 

i know in the end

none of it will matter 

red or blue 

honeyed or acerbic 

but where do the wounds go 

i hurt you 

and you made me cry 

your tears will always burn my cheeks 

but you left me the expensive floss ~