i knew i couldn't stop them 

once they came 

i knew you'd have my breath 

and my depth 

until we forget our names 

and i finally saw it 

what's clear 

that it's all so heartbreaking

that i am indeed

pathetic 

the twists and the turns 

the bends and the burns 

i make and sway 

just to keep you in my orbit 

i think about you most moments of the day 

and i wait for you to write 

i don't think you know 

how much my heart breaks 

when you wait to answer 

i don't think you know 

that my throat knots 

and i convince myself 

that you don't like me

i don't trust you 

not to leave me 

i'm waiting for you

to unravel it all 

it's been a minute 

since i've sat beneath this tree 

i'm sorry 

i've been between the pages 

counting the minutes  

picking my nails 

pacing and laughing 

just pretending 

-- to have a beating heart 

watching and waiting 

for you to walk towards me 

you scratch and you bite  

just to see me bleed 

you ruffle 

just to see me buckle 

when you know 

i've pined 

only in my mind 

you're not ever going to stick your neck out 

for me 

are you 

you aren't ever going to give  

what i don't ask 

an unsolicitied visit 

some food to let me know you want me alive 

you don't listen 

enough 

to pick up 

my hints 

i don't want to want to take that