i can't feel it anymore 

- my beating heart 

i wear your socks 

and dribble on your seat 

i look

and i feel watched

the more time i temper 

the more i know 

in my bones 

we are not the same

there's an expanse 

there's something 

not normal about 

me 

something that's small 

and scared all the time 

with nothing 

and i've always tried to bridge

cortort myself into forms 

lay myself down 

when you wallflower to survive 

where you pinch yourself in places 

and spaces 

you become that 

that thing 

that you promised 

would only be temporary 

that thing that you told yourself 

you'd abandon once

you got the boy 

stick your fingers into your ribs 

go on

try to find it 

we need it

the proof will set us 

free  

have you noticed it too? 

the softening 

that happens 

when you look at someone 

over so many years

once harsh features 

now gloopy 

so gentle 

a bit whispered 

do you know

your nose turns up 

and spreads out  

when you close teeth smile

do you realize 

you hold your head back 

when i make you laugh

do you sense 

that you don't show your teeth 

when you feel 

something truly 

in its edges and curves  

it's the stifled ecstasy