how do i know that it's you

 how do i know that it was always going to be you 

do i know it bc you walk through the door 

and i know i can't breathe 

or 

do i know it bc you tilt your head so 

it's not gorgeous that it's like so 

and that i'll always pine 

but never sign 

always to make you mine 

friday - saturday

we did it all 

we sipped hot, spiced cider 

beneath a rainy dark sky 

- we watched our breaths in the air 

and admired a panting Newfoundland

then we knew it was time 

to go home 

and curl around our edges

and search for the nebulous curvatures 

of ourselves and others 

i'm always sad to walk away from you 

and i always get butterflies when i watch you walk toward me  

10.14 dinner partay

you made us 

the stuff of being a kid 

& having dreams

hoping & who wants to be a millionaire 

while we craft and chip and pick

buttered wonderbread 

and kraft singles 

tomato bisque 

with chunks of raw garlic

a greek salad without a place 

castelervero olives

red wine vinegar 

you gave us your sunsets

lip locking lust luck lol 

sometimes i think about what that moment would be like 

would it be a dare

or a confident yes 

will it be while you're drunk 

or when we're choking each other 

will i know you without ever knowing your lips 

even though i've been pining after them all this time

is any of this even worth it if i can't have you

where i have you but i don't

where i have everything else 

the things that ppl say matter most 

how would you feel 

if i told you

i am false 

what i say 

who i am 

it's all talk 

tongue teething 

song seething 

this is where we say goodbye   

can you hold my hand?

jeremy told me he liked me 

can you take my arm? 

jeremy told me about his daughter

can you put your face in my neck?

jeremy told me about his plans 

can you wrap your arms around my waist?

jeremy waved to me, from down there 

can you hold my face? 

jeremy told me i was the best 

i am the best 

i couldn't do it yanno - 

hold your face 

and let go 

what makes me cry 

is you could 

let go 

and forget it all

yet still have it

no ruins 

no rubble 

my hands were shaking 

during the movie 

did you notice?

i know you didn't

and that's what i love most 

how is it 

that i get your time 

and i sit next to you 

and i watch your eyes move 

how 

did

i get so

lucky unlucky

i get to watch you sleep

and i get to feel you against 

my back 

and around me 

when you've had too much wine 

only then do you let me hold you 

we get these sunnied honeyed little whiles 

and i struggle 

because i want it all 

one, i can't have you 

two, i won't stomach you 

it'll been too sweetly saccharine 

for my bitter pickled palate 

and it would be just too good

too perfect

to have it all 

smile 

it may be tomorrow

we're not always sure 

where to cut 

or how to bite 

or what to lick 

yesterday i didn't know 

and tomorrow

it'll be 

same shit

different day