when can i rest 

and just be 

who do i have to ask 

to get just that 

i always feel pulled 

to be moving 

growing

doing 

producing 

never am i allowed 

to just sit

and rest  

close my eyes 

beneath the willow 

even when i get 

a short stint 

i mostly think about what

i'm missing 

and where 

i fall short 

and what i should be 

moving towards 

but really 

all i want 

is clear evenings 

bodied silence  

full hearts 

bellies that hurt 

from laughing 

a feeling of freedom

movements 

a routine where i can 

sit in silence 

lay on the floor 

after i've washed the day off