shortfalls

every day, my body contends

for place and space.

hollowed eye sockets 

and empty ear canals 

would you rather be 

blind 

or 

deaf

cut off from 

objects 

or the 

world 

hk said she'd rather be blind 

because you can still be apart of things

at what point does it all become too much

when you can't exist in relation to others?

for six years, i've lived 

crouched naked 

and alone 

on an ice float 

cast out to never re-emerge

and every day 

while i try to make sense 

of why this happened

to only come up short 

i'm faced with puzzled looks 

and questioning glances

i give you your laugh

and your value 

i haven't made it up 

i promise 

and i've tried not to weaponize it

it hurts me 

just as much as it hurts you 

in fact more 

so i'm sorry 

i'll weep for the person 

we both thought i'd be 

i'll pretend

and i'll try harder 

so you don't have to worry 

i'll never be free 

and i won't try to convince you every day 

but please

i beg 

can you indulge me once?

i promise i won't exaggerate

or force you to agree 

you can close your ears 

and maybe the space between us 

will melt 

we can't exist in relation 

so maybe we can find a body 

and call it home?