9.17.2024

i can't tell it
as it is
but you know that 
don't you 

what you did
hurt way more
than the words 
i use 
to tell 
this stupid story

it was never that serious
we were never that important
it was only 1 night
it was a single kiss
a few texts 

then why does it feel like
you tore me apart
put my left arm
through a meat grinder
took my foot and pulled off my toes 
gave it to a dog 

why did you cut my throat up 
into cubes
to freeze 
just to blend them up 
and eat them for breakfast

you left my heart on the lawn
did you miss that? 
it was after you popped my eyes out
and left my guts at the butcher 

because you thought it was all the same 
she never was that much different 
than some old beef 
right

well watch that slab
rise from 
the motherfucking ashes 
you shat out 

watch her haunt you 
till you take your last breaths 

watch her watch you have 
a meaningless fuck 
with that dietician

watch her smirk 
as you come 

she knows she was always going to be better 


9.12.2024

when can i rest 
and just be 

who do i have to ask 
to get just that 

i always feel pulled 
to be moving 
growing
doing 
producing 

never am i allowed 
to just sit
and rest  
close my eyes 
beneath the willow 

even when i get 
a short stint 
i mostly think about what
i'm missing 

and where 
i fall short 
and what i should be 
moving towards 

but really 
all i want 
is clear evenings 
bodied silence  
full hearts 
bellies that hurt 
from laughing 

a feeling of freedom
movements 

a routine where i can 
sit in silence 
lay on the floor 
after i've washed the day off 


9.06.2024

i've tasted it, i think
an evening of my own 
spacious and ever mine 

now i can listlessly 
twirl my hair 
while i'm on the toilet 
instead of master-mining 
a small little collision 
with your orbit

i don't dream about trips with you 
because i know they'll 
never be as sweet
as in my mind 

they're pungent 
acerbic
full with 
stupid questions 
and zings 
that always sting 

inevitably 
i'm going to get annoyed with you 
because the truth is 
i don't like who you are 
very much 

i don't think 
maybe i'll join him 
cross country 
only if he asks 

because i think i know 
here is better

don't worry 
oh don't fret 
darling 
i'll always hold 
a little soft spot 
a corner of my heart 

that you can call 
your empty evening 

8.29.2024

 i can't feel it anymore 
- my beating heart 

i wear your socks 
and dribble on your seat 
i look
and i feel watched

the more time i temper 
the more i know 
in my bones 

we are not the same

there's an expanse 

there's something 

not normal about 
me 

something that's small 
and scared all the time 
with nothing 

and i've always tried to bridge
cortort myself into forms 
lay myself down 

when you wallflower to survive 
where you pinch yourself in places 
and spaces 
you become that 

that thing 
that you promised 
would only be temporary 

that thing that you told yourself 
you'd abandon once
you got the boy 

stick your fingers into your ribs 
go on
try to find it 
we need it
the proof will set us 
free  




8.24.2024

have you noticed it too? 

the softening 

that happens 

when you look at someone 

over so many years


once harsh features 

now gloopy 

so gentle 

a bit whispered 


do you know

your nose turns up 

and spreads out  

when you close teeth smile

do you realize 

you hold your head back 

when i make you laugh

do you sense 

that you don't show your teeth 

when you feel 

something truly 

in its edges and curves  


it's the stifled ecstasy  



7.29.2024

daddy heartbreaks hurt most

it's dew drops 
and styrophoam cups 
it's dunkin 
and it's for your health 
it's the scabby shins 
and the open chins 
it's the noticing 
what's always been there 
it's the bloated cheeks 
and the fish filled creeks 
and the smiles 
that have the same style 
the same big look
and the belly out to stood 

we've cry 
and hold the same 
breaths in that space in our neck 
we move and we shake 
the same 
only to groove 
of the same moves 

it's that axis 
the movement of the beat 
all while we take a seat 
so let's watch our feet 
take the same beat 




7.18.2024

I'm not inclined 
to sit back and whine 
but here i am 
checking my phone every 5

waiting wondering 
sad 
that i know 
you're not even thinking about me 
yet my heart beats for you
my mind runs around you 

and you wonder 
what more you can give 

all i know is 
ever since i met you 
said hello 
stared at your calves 

i've dreamt 
about the morning 
that you come to me
you walk across the dew 
just to tell me 
i'm it 
the thing 
you don't want to leave 
body and soul 

it won't be it though 
that's the delusion 
but that doesn't make the hoping 
any less 
to die for