i saw you put the floss
i said i needed in my medicine cabinet
you spoiled me — bought me the expensive tooth picks
the ones that are bad for the earth
but good for my smile
you always told me to take care of my grin
—you can't buy a new one you always say
i often think about
walking into the forest
and never looking back
wanting loneliness
more than i need you
i know you think
i am because of you
but would you think that
if you knew it hurt me more?
would you care?
in my room i always find new clothes
that you think would flatter me
—shoes that would
make your dreams come true
you always remark
what a gorgeous day
when the sun pops out
even through a layer of cirrocumulus
i wish you gave that to me
instead,
we both sit in silence
piecing together
the world without sound
questing whether are responses
made sense
or if our facial movements are apropos
sometimes i resent you
for your loss
then i cry
scratch at my scabs
and scream out to the tones
who have you and me
when i ask if i'm pretty
it's always a resounding yes
i know you believe it
but you don't see clearly
i know you're sad that i'm sad
you wish it didn't hurt
but i notice
and perhaps you ignore
i know in the end
none of it will matter
red or blue
honeyed or acerbic
but where do the wounds go
i hurt you
and you made me cry
your tears will always burn my cheeks
but you left me the expensive floss ~
