smile 

it may be tomorrow

we're not always sure 

where to cut 

or how to bite 

or what to lick 

yesterday i didn't know 

and tomorrow

it'll be 

same shit

different day

 

 

i'm over it 

existing in a plane between

watchful eyes

gulping at the air 

just to keep reaching for the sea

my ears won't stop ringing

and my sticky thoughts 

won't stop clumping

i dream

and i dream 

and i long to dream 

where we can eat fruit under the sun

and i won't be sorry for my face 

where it'll be okay if i don't hear it all 

where we'll hold hands 

and i won't have to ask

where i feel beautiful 

and i won't wish 

for blackness to take me 

every time i blink 

that'll be it 

that'll be nice 

 

i haven't always been this forgiving 

this turn the other cheeking 

the laugh until we weeping 

the scared until we're seeping

the cry until we're cheating 

i laugh when i'm alone 

always aloud 

i avoid thinking of you -

all my moments alone 

have been yours too 

you hang up the phone 

and your eyes turn me over

i eat and i eat and i eat 

and you know it's never in front of you 

i know i'll never wake up 

in a good mood

or ready to greet the day

i'm always tired

and i'm always breathing

through pursed lips 

maybe it's timing 

that i eat everything in sight

and look to vacuum the bites 

maybe it's fate

that i only know alone 

and yet i wear your cologne 

maybe it's my fucked up bundle 

the knot that whispers 

put your hand into the fire - 

the breath that softly murmurs truth

you don't deserve me 

twists and turns 

carousels always burn 

before they churn 

just to create the yearn 

huh, 

how bout that? 

we can scorpion each other 

how does that sound? 

crushingly sweet annihilation 

hold my hand 

watch me 

then go 

 

someday i'm going to want to wear a starry crown

someday 

    someday 

        someday 

maybe 

    maybe 

        maybe 

one day 

for just one day 

i've been trying to make you want me 

but everything i try just takes you further from me

someday we will set it off 

only 

you think they wrote me off 

bebe don't you get it all 

nothing will 

i talk like i take all the lies 

just so you don't have to make your mind

just cut between 

space and time 

no half-truths just naked minds

i put my hand on the stove 

to just see if i still bleed

i still kind of free

we'll never be the kids we used to be

so push me away 

and forget my face 

screaming into the still 

when there's nowhere else to 

call your place 

your space

that's what your body is

right?

a soundless scape 

a murky drape 

a vessel to shape

belly breathing 

and softly beating 

can you find a home alone?

my nerve 

is copping out 

and you're going 

        too

            too 

                fast

i hold my breath

in my forehead 

just to listen to your stories

and to pretend to do the things 

you think i know

my eye rings can tell you

it all 

that was the pursuit, right? 

the opposite of loneliness?

growing up is  - 

i never thought the soft 

things 

would pierce the deepest 

and here we are -

cotton balls 

lacerate my heartstrings

and sedentary numbness 

takes my chest  

what's the word for feeling alone 

in a crowded room

what's the feeling of sadistic nostalgia 

for high school loneliness 

when you could 

cling to the hope of a 

new chapter 

a tomorrow

where your ppl would be

and you could wrinkle smile 

into the sun  

and not feel the rings around 

1/12/23

we all need some confidence 

he whispers 

golden locks 

and mushroom tops 

shimmer until we pit 

Woven hands 

and a quiet heart

unbind it all 

and crack the earth 

Grey beach walks 

are where we go to lie 

To scream into the lacunas 

that poke and prod 

our murky skies. 

Honeyed moments are always the goal

but too bad it wasn't what we were sold.